![]() She was always waiting by the window for him to arrive. Looking expectantly out of the living-room window was Granny. The car came to a halt, and Ben slowly turned his head towards the bungalow. It was one of a whole row of sad little homes, mainly inhabited by old people. The car swung around the corner into Grey Close, where Granny's bungalow squatted. Dad met Mum when he wrongly accused her of shoplifting a bag of crisps, and within a year they were married. Although Dad was now too fat to run after any robbers, he could certainly block their escape. The highlight of his twenty-year career thus far was stopping an old man who had concealed two tubs of margarine down his trousers. Gangsta Granny Ben's dad, meanwhile, worked as a security guard at the local supermarket. That meant Mum would always come home with extremely long multi coloured plastic extensions on the end of her fingers. ![]() They were doing things to each other's nails all day long (unless Flavio Flavioli was on daytime TV). Buffing, cleaning, tnmmmg, moisturising, coating, sealing, polishing, filing, lacquering, extending and painting. Because there weren't many customers, Mum and the other lady who worked there (unsurprisingly called Gail) spent most days doing each other's nails. Ben's mum worked at the local nail salon, 'Gail's Nails'. In fact, he had heard it so many times it was like torture. Ben hated the CD, not least because he had heard it a million times. 50 Golden Greats from the Hit TV Show was emblazoned on the cover. Now just be quiet please, Ben, there's a good boy,\" replied Dad firmly, as he turned up the volume on the 14Ĭabbagy Water stereo. Mum whimpered a little, and reached for a tissue. Gangsta Granny \"Because prancing around like that is stupid,\" said Ben. ![]() \"Maybe, just maybe, you could end up on Strictly!\" added Mum excitedly. Mum had a habit of applying make-up in the car, which meant she often arrived somewhere looking like a clown. ![]() \"I don't know why you don't give up on this pipe dream of becoming a plumber, Ben, and think about dancing professionally,\" said Mum, her lip-liner scrawling across her cheek as the car bounced over a particularly bumpy speed bump. Tonight, his mum and dad were going to an arena to see Strictly Stars Dancing live on stage. 12Ĭabbagy Water In fact, if there was a fire in their house, and Mum could only save either a sparkly gold tap-shoe once worn by Flavio Flavioli (the shiny, tanned dancer and heartbreaker from Italy who appeared on every series of the hit TV show) or her only child, Ben thought she would probably go for the shoe. There was a TV show on Saturday evenings that Mum and Dad never missed called Strictly Stars Dancing, where celebrities would be paired with professional ballroom dancers. Sometimes Ben thought they loved it more than they loved him. You said, and I quote, 'I would rather eat my own bogeys than watch that rubbish'.\" Now, Ben's mum and dad loved ballroom dancing. \"It's called ballroom dancing,\" corrected Dad. \"I love ball-whatsit dancing,\" he lied. \"At worst my mother has a very slight odour of boiled vegetables.\" \"Can't I come with you?\" pleaded Ben. \"You're not helping, wife,\" muttered Dad. Gangsta Granny \"In fairness to the boy she does stink of cabbage,\" agreed Mum, as she applied some last minute lip-liner. \"Her TV doesn't work, all she wants to do is play Scrabble and she stinks of cabbage!\" 11 \"I hate spending time with her,\" protested Ben. \"All old people are.\" \"Don't talk about your granny like that,\" said Dad weakly, his fat stomach pushed up against the steering wheel of the family's little brown car. Once again he was on his way to stay the night at his dreaded granny's house. It was a cold Friday evening in November, and as usual he was slumped in the back of his mum and dad's car. ĭavid Walliams Gangsta Granny Illustrated by Tony Ross HarperCollins Children's Booksġ Cabbagy Water \"But Granny is soooo boring,\" said Ben.Previously by David Walliams: The Boy in the Dress Mr Stink Billionaire Boy Gangsta Granny Ratburger Demon Dentist Awful Auntie Grandpa's Great Escape The World's Worst Children The Midnight Gang Also available in Picture Book: The Slightly Annoying Elephant The First Hippo on the Moon The Queen's Orang-utan The Bear Who Went Boo! There's a Snake in My School!
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